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My other home is in 荒川区.

7/23/12 10:05 am - Hello. I've moved. It's hard.

Here's an experiment:

I feel like writing in my livejournal. Let's see what happens.

Moving is hard. Writing about and talking about how hard it is is also apparently really hard... I was just staring at the screen trying to come up with something to say for a good 5 minutes.

Bottom line is that it's hard, and I need to write about it.

I've lived by myself for the last 4, 5, 6? years. And I was extremely proud of the stuff I'd earned and accomplished.

And then, I burned out at Google. And I tried to get myself to go to grad school. And that didn't really work out. So now I'm working only part time... making about 1/3 of what I made before (if that), living with friends (and boyfriend), to save money. Living with friends part is great in a lot of ways, but it's also terrifying because part of me feels like I've lost something. Lost some independence. Failed at something. Given up on something. "I suck at life" type feelings, I'm sure none of which are really fair or accurate, but I feel them anyway.

I've had two major nervous breakdowns in the last two days because adjusting to concepts like other people adding their Xbox profiles to "my" console made me terribly uncomfortable and frightened. It was stupid.

And, I've had almost no "down time" or true "alone time" since we moved in... which is making me really depressed. Before, even when I lived alone, I had to make my boyfriend go home several days a week just so I could recharge on my own. But that's not really possible now. At all. Since now we all live together.

I feel like I don't have "my own space" anymore at all. Everything in the house belongs to someone else, or I feel like is shared. (Sharing with the boyfriend is ok though. It doesn't make my head sad.) "My Stuff" is still mostly packed away in boxes. There's no room for a cat condo for Oliver, and I have no place to paint...

(On the plus side, constantly feeling like I'm living in someone else's house has made me a bit of a neat freak with regards to the shared spaces. I've swept, vacuumed, done dishes, organized, cleaned Oliver's litter OFTEN, etc. In my own apartment, I'd lived like a slob because no one else had to deal with my mess...)

It's been a hard transition. It's been a really rough weekend. I know that I will learn and grow from this experience, and it is good for me to struggle through this. I just need to find a way to carve out space that's "mine", or change in a drastic way that helps me to feel more comfortable. Adjust. Something.

Anyway... if I'm brave enough to leave this post up, props to me. If I delete it or hide it... well... that's my prerogative. :)

4/17/09 04:29 pm

Go to pennyhero.net instead or add pennyherodotnet to your friends list.

12/5/06 04:04 pm - please subscribe to pennyherodotnet!

This is just a reminder that if any of you are wondering where the frak I've been, you should subscribe to pennyherodotnet and visit me on pennyhero.net. (only 13 of you are subscribed. really. I'm counting.)

I've recently written about Govt. Salaries and minimum wage, Space-walking documentaries my ex-roomie/talented videographer made, the Firefox Crop Circle on google earth and google maps, and the Oregon results of the election.

Exciting stuff, kids! Seriously! No registration required!

Okay. you may now return to your regularly scheduled friends list.

9/19/06 11:05 am - Mark Danielewski in Portland!

So... according to the Only Revolutions Website (careful, lots of sound and animation!), Mark Danielewski will be at Powell's Books in Portland at 7:30pm TONIGHT.

I'll be there.

Will you?

Comment here instead (pennyhero.net plug)

8/15/06 11:51 pm - Pennyhero (dot) net

starladear6 is officially my private personal journal and I'll only be using it to comment on other journals, or write cryptic personal venty whiny posts. :) Everyone needs a little room for potential angst right?

Feel free to keep watching here, but I'd LOVE it if you'd add the feed for my new site to your friends list and visit me there too. Over there is where I'll write anything with some semblance of substance... heh.

My new website is located at pennyhero.net and I just created a livejournal syndication account for it (ooh! my paid account expires in only a few days! so close!) btw, thanks cepcion for the reminder.

Btw, you'll notice a lot of the stuff there is sorta familiar... that's because wordpress makes it so easy to transfer your posts from one blog to another... woo hoo. That and... I needed content.

Anyway, click here to add pennyherodotnet to your friends list and keep up with my journal.

See yah in the world.

8/15/06 11:58 am - Firefox crop circle!

I helped make the firefox crop circle!

Hey all, I helped make the firefox crop circle and I want to spread the word! We're already on Digg, del.icio.us, and a lot of other "omg check this out!" geeky sites.

Please check out our official page, my NEW WEBSITE (which links to similar things) and or do a google search! We're everywhere!

7/25/06 11:40 pm - Adventures of Penny the Super Haole

The Setting: Penny, having gone to visit a dangerous super-being hoping to forge an alliance, now lays on her back, slightly stunned. Seconds ago, she was knocked down by the very super-being she had hoped to ally with: Jay Jay the Insubstantial, now her newest arch rival due to his questionable intentions and vague past (Was he really born of righteousness? Did he really run away from his suburban home to attend a rogue super-villain training school? Where did he learn the Power of Insubstantialness that allows him to phase in and out of any uncomfortable situation?! Find out in Season 13!).

Broadsword out of reach, and her telekenisis blocked by his Psychic-Power Blocking Force Field (TM), she can only put on her most hardened, well-practiced poker face as she plans her escape.
Penny: What are the odds that you won't rip out my heart and lungs right here?
[Penny tries the Steady Eye-contact trick, which she has read prevents phase-shifters from becoming insubstantial. Unfortunately, Jay Jay is a practiced eye-contact breaker and the trick fails]
Jay Jay the Insubstantial: About fifty-fifty.
He phase shifts closer to where she is laying, apparently hoping to distract her with a non-threatening illusion he projects on the wall while with the other hand, sharpens his heart-and-lung ripping tools behind his back.

Penny is not fooled. She has seen this sort of trick before. With NetBoy the Self-Indulgent, The Stoic Ninjaneer, Charity the Drunk Fence-Jumper, and a long list of other painful experiences all of whom she battled back in Seasons 6-8, for examples.

She sees through the illusion and realizes that an alliance is not only impossible, but it is dangerous. Even if she chose to trust him, and believed that the blade-sharpening sounds behind him were indeed the harmless sounds of perhaps... a butter knife for his toast, she'd never know if--during some crucial battle--he might phase shift away and leave her facing an army of Selochraughts.
Penny: Fuck those odds. I'm going home now.
With that, she reaches behind her back and disengages a hidden device. Instantly, her image freezes, pixelates, shudders, and fades away FOREVER, revealing that all along, because she'd never trusted him from the beginning, she had been nothing more than a hologram projected through subspace from her Linux-driven Super-Hero SubSpace Holographic Projector (TM) back in her Temporary Super Haole Headquarters a few blocks away.

Perhaps they will meet again under different circumstances, such as when they're both not on the clock saving or destroying the planet and when they can just celebrate their mutual appreciation for sci-fi and DDR. With any luck, the topic of an alliance will never come up again.

The End.

3/30/06 03:56 pm - Broken?

uh... is my background currently broken in my journal? or is this just a linux/firefox bug?

I currently see NO BACKGROUND image in my journal... and none in the other community journals where I used the same technique to make them pretty... however, my blog still has the correct background so I know the problem isn't my image host...

comment and tell me if my background is broken and if you're using windows and/or firefox or IE etc...

Edit: Thanks all. Support volunteers say it's on livejournal's end.

3/21/06 12:25 pm - word-processor hate.

someone explain to me why there isn't a decent FREE wordprocessor for OS-X? Note: Neo-office and OpenOffice (with x11) don't count. Edit: web-based stuff like writely and thinkfree also don't count. Edit again: I forgot Abiword. It behaves similarly to neo-office only worse. so it also doesn't count.

It seems that there is enough demand that someone would have developed something natively by now.


I need to write my paper and I'm sick of waiting HALF AN HOUR for my mouse-clicks to register in NeoOffice.

Edit for the third time: Let me rephrase my question... I'm not really looking for suggestions on what to use instead of these ones. I'd really like to know why there isn't a good opensource free alternative for mac like there is with windows and linux. Is it because they have to use java? Is it because mac is hard to program for? are there licensing hurdles that make it hard to write stuff for mac?

I've learned the hard way that there are no (legal) alternatives to the problematic options I mentioned above. I'd really like someone smarter than I am to help me understand why.
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3/20/06 11:10 pm - xie xie TL

A big big GIANT thank you to a Mr. Travis L. who randomly sent me a little bit of money through paypal, presumably through the "help emily make ends meet" donation button. :)

I wish I knew who you were so that I could thank you in person. The best I can do is blog about you right now. You're awesome.

Ok, i'm really going to sleep now.frie

Edit: this morning I knew for sure who this was. spiffy new person I just met through myspace. I just didn't know his real name until now. :)

For a second there the whole anonymous! omg wow! was too much. :) *whew* boy am I glad that's over, I almost exploded!

3/20/06 08:58 am - aka go #@%! yourself!

Funniest lead I've seen in a long time:
SEARCH outfit Google has managed to tell the US government to go forth and multiply over its demands that it hand over details of keywords that its punters choose to search.
Google beats off the government (*snickers again*)

and btw, yes I know that the article is more like funny, and less like news. ("rolled over to have its tummy tickled" ??)

Haha. Writer Nick Farrell just made my morning. Funny thing was that I didn't get it for almost a minute. took two sips of coffee before I started to laugh. I'm a loser. I'm also a loser for posting about my giggle fit. :) *pfft*

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3/14/06 05:24 pm - running lists

Is this my third post in one day?

I realized today that I need a single place to store, save, and refer to lots of little tiny bits of information... things like notes to self, lists of movies, lists of books, things I don't want to forget, birthdays, etc. It's irritating as fuck when i write something down and lose the paper, or when I'm curious what my to-do list was like a year ago so that I can compare it to how busy I am during my senior year. So... I have a feeling that I need to get smart with database programming and php like... yesterday.

idea for a web appCollapse )

3/14/06 01:25 pm - a friend's research survey

Dear everyone on my friend's list.

My friend is conducting research for his Master's degree on the use and understanding of wi-fi and wants people to take his survey. Don't ask me about this method of "spread the word" survey distribution. I'm sure that will come up in the analysis of his data.

It's about 3 pages long (just a few screens of questions).

Whether you're interested in wi-fi or not, this is an official call for participants:

Click here.

And, spread the word if you'd like to help him get a larger number of respondents. His research is very worth supporting, in my opinion. He's interested in making information about public and private wireless networks more easily obtainable. in other words, identifying what information about accessibility and laws is not easily available to users and maybe even coming up with ways of making that available.

Before I met him in the writing center, I had no idea about this kind of problem but now I'm really really interested.

3/14/06 07:57 am - dreamlog - kitties and movie auditions

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3/12/06 07:20 am - dreamlog

I was making coffee. And it was somehow normal that no liquid would fall into the coffee pot. Instead, it was this dry substance that looked like coffee grounds. The pot was dirty, and it was getting too hot. A drop of coffee-crud fell in to top left-hand side of the pot and started to catch fire. I poked it to put it out. It caught fire again. I was annoyed. I wanted my coffee. I turned around to get the nearest glass of liquid to throw on it. The sink was full of glasses and bowls full of gross standing water. I decided to get a clean dish... but by that time, the entire coffee maker was on fire and I had a stab of terror like I was about to burn down the house. I thought I must be so stupid for not cleaning it, and for being too wussy to grab the dishes with dirty water. I reached out and slamed the coffee pot off th counter and it hit the ground cracking. The dry stuff inside really was liquid coffee afterall and when I tipped it over, the contents spilled and put out the fire. It was a sort of nightmare
Lots of broken memories of walking from one house to another on Chehalem Dr where I used to live. I woke up early to work on my paper, but every few hours my hair would be too greesy so I'd go and take a shower. I was wearing a skirt for god knows what reason. I broke into my own house several times. I remember having to pick my way between bikes to get to the back entrance. An ex boyfriend of mine was with me studying, and he let me kiss him although it was a stupid idea. This dream had a narrative, but all that's left are fragmentary images.
It sounds like things are about to explode for me. I tried to get up at 5 to work on my papers, but the 5:30 alarm was what pulled me out of my nightmare, so I slept a little more to rid myself of the scared feelings. I couldn't get out of bed until now... 7am. fuck.

Time to go make coffee.

3/11/06 09:32 am - Season finale

Someone explain to me why the FRACK it took the cylons a whole year to travel one light-year when they've always had better FTL capabilities than the fleet?

Seems like a plot/script/whatever error.

It would have been funny if they didn't have FTL capabilities. BUT THEY DO. SO IT WASN'T. It was just STOOPID.

Edit: DUH. Buddha-X (in the comments) reminded me... DUH. It's going to take exactly a year for the light from the bomb's explosion to travel a light-year. (the bomb being the thing that alerted the cylon's to their location.)

3/9/06 07:05 am - Weeee!

Sup snow. :)

3/6/06 03:25 pm - I laffatmybosses.

All three of my supervisors at work have a great work relationship with each other and also all have offices within 2 feet of each others...literally. Yet today, they hilariously apparently decided to communicate largely via email and all three of them basically passed each other in the writing center on their way in and out to tell me about the new developments in their conversation.

So it seems that they all knew I was there within 10 feet of their computers and each other, came in to tell me stuff, and then went back to their respective offices to email each other.

Wow. laff laff at the use of technology in humanities departments anyone?

It all worked out though, and we have a new meeting time. I just opened my inbox when I got off work and laughed my ass off at the written record of their conversations with me and with each other.

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3/4/06 03:11 pm - to do list.

To do this weekend:

high priority:
  • read The Rainbow
  • read for romantic lit
  • write first draft of wr327 paper
  • research for romantic lit paper
  • revise dossier
  • read novels for film class
  • email bryan ko
  • clean room
  • laundry

3/3/06 09:25 am - anger-filled link forwarding.

The Corvallist recently wrote about Nathanael Blake's recent anti-islam piece that yesterday incited peaceful protest by Muslim students on campus. The Corvallist's blog post is a much more serious criticism than mine is, but I did write about it too in my blogspot blog. I really want to cross-post it here, but I know how annoying that is to some people. So i'm just going to link to that post: (linky)

Bottom line is that I think Blake is like a terrorist of the pen, and while I'm NOT calling for censorship in the barometer, I do wish they'd have a higher level of intelligence and critical thinking standards for their staff.
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