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My other home is in 荒川区.

2/24/06 05:08 pm - The hotest piece of technology I've ever seen

Chris, aka djwikkid, just sent me a link to this flash video of the hottest piece of technology I've ever seen.

It's a demo video of this touch screen interface. The video starts out with the guy manipulating colored lights and shapes, obviously in order to demo what this thing is capable of as far as graphics, response-time, and manipulatability (is that a word?). It goes on to show possible other uses for it, like for manipulating images, navigating 2d and 3d maps, manipulating 3d-rendered objects, and GAMES!!

Anyway, go look. It's pure sex on an LCD screen (or whatever this thing is made of).

Anyway, here's a link to more technical info about it.
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2/13/06 08:14 am - Dreamlog

Among other things, I had a dream that I was explaining how awesome some new processor was to my mom. I explained that the old processor was "this big" and held my hands a few inches apart, and said that it could do "a whole bunch of calculations." Then I moved my fingers about an inch apart and said that the new processor could do the same amount of work, but it was only this small. "Plus" I said, "the entire surface of the chip is in contact with the heat-sink, so it's super cool."

Bizzare dream... bizzare that I remember it so vividly, including what the smell of the heat-sink glue was like and the color of it. I had visions of electricity flowing slopily through the old processor and this impression that the new on was so efficient that I wasn't able to psychically sense electricity at all.
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2/7/06 08:44 am - Oh, the hate.

This is really fucking stupid, but there's no fucking use in me trying to keep reading Nostromo this morning. I've got an hour before class... about enough time to finish at least another two chapters... but it still puts me about 100pages behind where we're supposed to be... I could keep reading, and pretend like I am where I need to be...

But my fucking teacher just found me reading in the MU just as I turned to the big fucking blank page that says "Part II" (we're supposed to be at Part III today)... asked me "so if I asked you who Guzman Bento was, would you be able to tell me?"

Fucking bullshit mother fucking break-neck fucking ass shit.

I don't know what's wrong with me this term. Last night, I tried really hard to force myself to read. But instead, I played games til almost 10pm... when I had from about 4:30pm free... I fucked around with music videos, played stupid LinCity (actually figured out to have a steady economy. god damned mother fucking great timing to figure that out... I couldn't stop playing.)

I even lied to the people I talked to online... said I was shutting down my computer and going off to read, when I really just turned off Gaim and played LinCity. ("Quit complaining about it on AIM and just go fucking read" or something like that.)

I swear to god, I don't know what's wrong with me. Why I can't put more priority on my classes this term. It's like senioritis, only worse because unlike in high school, I can't get As from having a great reputation with the teachers I've had over and over and over again.

If I get a C this term, I'll totally deserve it. I've felt this "breakdown" coming for probably a year and a half... I've just been lucky so far and been able to pull it together at the last minute. That's not going to happen this term. It's too much reading. If I were taking a bunch of WIC classes again this term I think I could do it (surprisingly... considering WIC classes tend to have more "work"). In a WIC class, there's just as much reading, but you have to turn in a bunch of writing periodically to get credit... which would force me to produce shit instead of just being asked to consume books on good faith and self-motivation.

I'm a failure as an English major. A fucking failure. I rock at everything else I'm interested in. Every other creative analytical thing I'm committed to, I rock. Fuck you, I'm the acting-secretary of craft of writing and I'm going to introduce Bryan Ko in April, I'm the student rep for the pacific northwest writing center association, I get off from fixing dependency issues and learning how to install crap from source in linux, I'm starting to write more fiction and brainstorming bits of a possible novel, BUT I CAN'T FUCKING KEEP UP IN MY READING-INTENSIVE ENGLISH CLASSES. FUCK ME.

And now Prof D knows exactly what page I'm on in Nostromo, I've got a midterm tomorrow that I probably will do shitty on considering I was sick as hell during the hardest readings and still haven't made that up...

I want to give up. really bad. Go to PCC and get some kind of useful degree and just make money or something. This being broke shit is really really shitty... Griff is almost finished moving out I think, which means that we're going to be short on rent for a month at least before Cody's friend can move in.

Ok. I feel better, strangely. Thanks for listening to my crap.
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2/3/06 10:27 am - Make me do my homework!!

I have recently had the growing urge to write fiction. I think I will satisfy this urge soon. Fiction is good for you. especially since I've become almost completely absorbed in tech stuff over the last few weeks thanks to the encouragement of my neighbor.

Anyway, I've been having a really really hard time getting into Joseph Conrad's Nostromo and I can't find any kind of rough summary to use to get a better sense of the plot or the characters... I blame this on technology and my growing addiction to my computer.

So... I think I will remedy this by indulging in a little fictin writing, and reading short stories by kevin brockmeier when I get frustrated and fall asleep reading Nostromo.

So, here's your job: If you see me online, ask me about either Nostromo, my alleged new fiction I'm writing, or a kevin brockmeier story. If I reply with "uh... I'm reading slashdot" or something, award me -5 (negative five) points. If I reply with something somewhat intelligent about either the brockmeier stuff or my fiction, award me +2 points. If I reply with something intelligent about Nostromo, award me +3 points. If I don't reply at all, and especially if my away message says "doing homework," award me +5 points!!

My goal is to read up to page 270 in Nostromo by Tuesday... So, on tuesday I'll try to tally up my points, or you can reply and tell me how I did.

OOOOKAAAYYY! Readysetgo!

10/31/05 03:24 pm

It's much much too early to brag about how I totally pwned two midterms this morning after getting drunk and stupid all weekend and NOT STUDYING AT ALL until about 2 hours before these two back-to-back tests. Much too early because well... obviously I don't have my grades yet. But I don't think I did too badly. There was nothing on there that I couldn't bullshit something about, which was what had me the most worried... that is usually the surest early sign that you're totally fucked.

Now I'm off to catch up on other homework. Writing Center was totally dead today (all the papers must have been due before Halloween! hahah!) so I got some reading done. Free fun for me!

Now I have a headache though. probably from lack of sleep and/or caffine.

Cheers.
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10/30/05 06:39 pm - halloween pictures

A shot of me in my costume: under the cutCollapse )

There are also a bunch more pictures that I recently uploaded into my photos directory. They are all really really huge files right now because I'm lazy.

No pictures of Gavin or Clare though... that was a sad sad mistake. but yeah. We had a great time.

10/29/05 07:35 pm

So, this party that's going on in my house is not crazy and scary and huge like I thought it would be. I"m having cool conversations with real-life people and getting to know new faces. It's nice. Not crazy. I'll be totally stoked if today turns out to be really good. :)

I might even have a chance to finish studying tomorrow too.

oh... and why the fuck am I posting this to lj? drunk emily. yum. Rum. Yum. there's not a coincidence why those two words sound the same.

Oh, and btw, my costume is awesome. i'll take a picture later.
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10/29/05 03:36 pm - I need more information on this.

U.S. Passports to Receive Electronic Identification Chips (WashingtonPost)

Slashdot linked to this article about the new chips in US passports, which I don't exactly understand (I haven't been keeping up on this) and don't yet have a strong opinion about it one way or another as far as having one in MY passport is concerned. But this section of the article has me very very confused:
In issuing the new rules, the department is matching a requirement it is imposing on visitors from several other countries. Foreigners from countries who do not need visas to enter the United States also must have the chips by next October. Such countries will be responsible for providing their citizens with passports that comply with U.S. entry requirements.
What does this mean? What countries does this refer to? What if THEIR governments decide that having these chips are a breach of their citizens privacy rights? Aren't we imposing on other countries personal security laws and policies by imposing our legislation on other countries?

Does this mean Canadians (for example) can't cross the border? Does this mean that alien workers or illegal immigrants will have yet ANOTHER thing they can be busted for if they're caught trying to make money for themselves/their familiy? Not to mention human trafficking victims...

Also, this basically requires that foreign countries should spend money developing and implimenting something that perhaps they can't afford. is this being imposed on poorer countries where technologies are not at the same level as ours are?

Basically i want to know more about this part of the legislation. If this was only going to apply to American passports, then I might not have a problem... or at least, not this problem.

Anyway, back to studying.
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10/24/05 01:01 am

I just cheated and downloaded the 100% completion ending cut-scenes for metroid prime I and II. I'm a bad person.

But holy shyst. I have a strange and sneaky suspicion that I will be bloody buying the new nintendo console just so I can play the third game. That evil dark bitch of a phazon clone. Ruining my evening... and possibly my life. (at least now I know where she came from.)

So, the first ending had a shot of her face without her helmet on. A nice close-up flyby. The sequel's ending has a nice sequence of her standing all heroic-like with nothing but a blue jumpsuit on. She flips her hair around and everything. So, what's the third game's ending going to be? Plain-clothes? a bikini? Nekkid? hahah. I hope it's not some stupid stunt like that. Oh my god! Maybe she'll makeout with dark samus! hot twin lesbian bounty-hunter sex! (oh please kill me now.)

Anyway, I better fucking sleep now. It's wayyy later than I want it to be.

At least I won't be tempted to play the games again in the near future. Since I cheated and spoiled it for myself and all. (if you want these files, let me know and I'll link you)
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10/16/05 05:41 pm - Thoughts I had while reading for Wr411:

A lot of people misunderstand synaesthesis and think that one sense actually gets imposed on or mixed up with another sense... that we have distracting hallucinations or that we're completely unable to even see the number 2 if it's written on paper of the wrong shade of green for example. (hahaha.)

So, while reading about cognition and how we create and compose patterns on the information we recieve in order to process it, I came up with a way to explain my type of synaesthesis to people who don't have it:
If you look at a picture of a heart (like this: ♥) printed in say, black ink on white paper, what color is most likely to also pop into mind? Many people (especially in western cultures) already have a color associated with that icon and would say pink or red, right? If you look at a black and white photo of a banana, what color or smell might your mind also recall? Yellow and banana smell, right?

While these types of associations are usually culturally or experiencially constructed, having synaesthesis is very similar to this type of perception. When I see a number or letter, my mind also percieves or knows that the character is also a certain color or texture, similarly to how someone looking at a black and white banana might also still percieve or know that it is yellow. It's not that something is imposed on it, and it's also not as if the text visually is a color that it's not on the page (the ink really is still black on white). It's just another aspect of the text that I'm aware of.
Anyway, this kind of analogy or description might be useful to those of us who has ever wanted to explain it to someone else, or whose been faced with a philosophy or psychology teacher (or in my case, a math teacher) who totally botches their description of it.

Cross-posted in my blog and synaesthesis.

10/16/05 01:23 pm - Lists help. I promise

To do:

  • Yoga: Lab 3
  • Eng495:
    • Read Manguel to p161
    • Journal
    • draft of essay
  • Wr411:
    • Read Lindemann p86-108 + journal
    • Take notes on TESOL Quarterly, email April
  • Wr324:
    • Read/write letters for 2 student stories
    • read stories in O'Henry (4?) + analysis [dropped 324. :( :( :(]
    • decide on workshop story idea + draft
  • Dinner between 7:30 and 8:30
  • quitplayingwithubuntuyoualreadyfixedyouropenglproblems
  • no alcohol
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10/15/05 10:36 pm - Shameless self-promotion

I just redesigned my blogspot-hosted blog. Now it matches my livejournal.

I like it. :)

I still need to find a pretty image to replace that one though... or rather, I need to create one because I don't really have permission to use it.

10/15/05 10:16 am

I had dreams about spiders again last night. Only this time, they weren't attacking me. I was killing them. I distinctly remember two spiders. One that looked like a smaller, more translucent hobo-spider, and a second one that was rounded and furry like a tarantula, but was gray and soft sort of like a kitten. The brown-hobo was on a wall somewhere, and I don't remember killing it, but I know I did because when I killed the gray fuzzy one, I knew that this was the "second" spider I'd killed in this manner.

In my dream, I was trimming the green bushes that were growing in an alternating green-yellow-green-yellow hedge in the back of someone's yard. The green hedges were dying, and the yellow ones were still growing, so the hedge looked a little like the edges of castle walls. There were cobwebs and sticky materials that I had to clean out before I could trim the green bushes. And at one point, I reached in with my shovel/broom and scouped out a bunch of sticky webs, and the gray spider crawled out slowly from under my shovel. I pressed down on him and felt his body give way. I saw liquids and skin smashed together, and saw his legs curl up until he looked like he was made of paper.

His texture and softness is what I remember most. I don't know why. It was like I was killing an animal until he was dead. and then he was just another frightening spider.
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10/13/05 10:45 pm - I rule!

I'm so fricken awesome.

I just got internet today at home, so I've been busy upgrading ubuntu and stuff. I just solved two rather scary problems with my system without any help from anyone!

I read the error messages, looked at the logs it told me to, searched the forums, and FIXED BOTH MY PROBLEMS.

The first problem was a firefox-update error that made my installation of firefox completely unresponsive and also unable to be updated. (fixed that by removing and reinstalling from scratch)

The second was much more frightening. I rebooted my machine after a large series of updates, and X wouldn't start. it gave me all kinds of frightening errors and finally dropped me into a scary blue and gray error and log menu interface and told me glx would be disabled until I correctly configured something.

Scary.

But luckily I have my trusty ibook with an internet connection and with the Power of Google, I learned how to reinstall nvidia drivers from the terminal and that lots of other people had this same problem.

Ok. Shut up, all you people who are thinking to yourselves "well duh, that's exactly what you're supposed to do. Why does she think this is so amazing?" Because I'm a fricken noob! And usually it takes me hours and hours to figure anything out in ubuntu and I usually end up asking Gavin, Graham or Arya (sometimes all three... at once) for help.

Maybe I'm graduating away from noob status finally. :) I just feel special and fuzzy. Someone give me a high-five.

In Other News: If you can't tell, I totally don't want to read for history right now.
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10/12/05 10:36 pm - this undergrad is so tired...

I've decided that homework is like debt. You're always going to have it, and there's really nothing you can do about it.

I'm getting this stupid cold that's going around, which makes me less enthusiastic about writing stuff or reading stuff. I just want to lay in bed and watch BSG. I'm drugged up, which means that while I'm not conjested, I'm totally not lucid. fun fun fun. My homework is going to um... reflect this.

In Other News: Craft of Writing just gave our presentation to the Student Foundation asking for moolah to help us bring Pam Houston. Crazy obnoxiousness happened at American Dream beforehand. I bet they hate us now. I'm still pretty pumped about it. I came home today and told my roommates about it, and for a small small moment, I felt smart. not smart like my room mate, who's literally a nuclear engineer genius who's actually designing reactors and is... absolutely my hero. but sort of smart... like, maybe I'm not just a silly undergrad anymore to them.

...

I think this entry is a failure. It must be the cold meds... or possibly the fact that I'm only writing because I don't want to finish my homework.

Awesome.
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10/11/05 11:28 pm

There were two spiders on my wall a few minutes ago. And I actually managed to kill one without freaking out, or screaming into the ear of the friend I was on the phone with.

I also managed to not scream into his ear when the second spider jumped off the wall and disappeared when I killed the first one...

So... I have a spider loose in my room. And I'm not freaking out.

This is kind of scary.

In Other News: there's a small chance that visitors from The Presence of Others (the blog for my Eng495 class) might be visiting via facebook or something. So here's an official hello. :) Unfortunately, you can't comment in my livejournal unless you have a livejournal account.
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10/5/05 09:19 am - I had an idea

I had an idea this morning when I woke up.

the digital music industry people should develop a product that lets people easily rip cd tracks to a digital format and transfer them to a portable player without the use of a computer. If they were smart, they'd try to bypass the computer entirely and create a "legitimate" (*cringe*) way to transfer purchased cds to an mp3 player. "Legitimate" because obviously since playing cds on a computer is a "privilege" and not a right (one of many stories), there's a need for a "real" way to get legally owned cd music onto a digital player.

I imagine this product to look like a cd player (and maybe even double as one). It would have either a memory stick or a cable that would allow for the easy transfer of tracks directly into a digital music player. The two toys might even be sold together.

Better yet, a new standard in digital music players should be that they'd each come with their own unique ripping device.

They could give the device a limited wireless connection and let it connect to a database of track names and disc names (but probably not an open public one). Or, cd manufacturers could add a little extra data to their cds and digitally write all the tracks in.

You could give the device direct access to digital music stores too. Do everything possible to prevent it being connected to a computer.

The idea needs work, and maybe someone has already tried it. I think it would solve the stupid music industry's hatred for people ripping and sharing music.

Personally, I hate the idea of this device, and I'd never ever ever buy one. But it would make the transfer of legally owned cds to a portable player a lot easier. I get really annoyed that I have to connect my player to the network in order to transfer files to it. I'd love to be able to just plug it into a cd player.

It would be a little like mini-disc recorders that would let you plug into a cd player's headphone plug and record whatever was playing.

Someone let me know if someone's already tried this.

Ok, back to my essay.

10/3/05 11:17 pm - QotD

I've just been called "a bastard child of a CS major".

I think that's good, no? Yes?

10/3/05 05:42 pm - I was brave and went to Lisa's talk

Today, I was brave and went to a talk by one of my professors (Lisa Ede, who's also my boss, and a great mentor), where I had a great big brain buzz. Well, two actually. One from the talk itself, which was all about what the rise of "citizen reviews" of books on websites--like amazon.com or personally hosted book review sites--might mean from a scholarly humanities point of view. It was partly a "call to arms" for more research and for the asking of more questions and a "hey look at what I've found and I'm excited about researching!" kind of talk. She pointed out how there is a rich source of information about literacy, power, authority, and culture in these websites that could reveal how they may challenge or possibly change the way that our society looks at and/or creates knowledge and authority. The Q&A portion of the talk brought up product reviews, and how those differ from book reviews in that they are about the quality of the product from a consumer point of view, whereas the book reviews are more qualitative conversations or statements about characteristics of the book.

I was supposed to be Lisa Ede's research assistant last year for part of the research for the project this talk was about, but things fell through on both our parts because of excessive other things going on, etc etc, so I've been slightly familiar with her research for a little while. I'm also part of her new class called "Language, Technology and Culture" where we're going to get to explore technologies and education, literacy and other yummy things, and I'm really excited that we get to explore IN CLASS some of the things that she's researching and may lead to her next publication.

Anyway, so that was one of the brain buzzes.

The other buzz had to do with the fact that I was absolutely the only undergraduate student there at the talk, and that most of the professors that I respect (and fear) the most were there. I recognized several grad students I know by reputation and by passing them in the halls too. Lisa even mentioned the work of a grad student I met last year and have a teenie tiny (ok, huge) intellectual crush on. I got that buzz of being surrounded by these "high up there" people. It was pretty frightening, and I really want to sit down and explore why a little better. Some of these people I know personally and as friends, and I see and know them in totally different settings. But here, they were in their element and I could really just listen.

The anxiety that started to build up was pretty strong, but I don't think it's un-realistic. I had this yicky terrifying feeling you'd get as a middle school kid who accidentally walked into the teacher's lounge. I didn't feel I was allowed to be there, and got this panicky feeling towards the end when it came time to try to have conversations with other attendees.

I want to smack myself in the head though, because in any other setting, I'd be fine talking to my writing teacher, or talking to a previous English prof (who just made fellowship btw. it was announced at the talk. congrats to him) about any of these things. No one there was a scary strange "untouchable, sitting on a pedestal" type of person to me in a normal setting. I have lunch with Dennis all the time. I went to Canada with a few of the grad students there and two of the profs there. I borrowed books from another prof there, and like I said before, a friend of mine was mentioned in the talk itself. This wasn't a frightening setting... but I still got that sticky "oops, this is the teacher's lounge" feeling and it wouldn't let me go.

Is it because I've always been a step or two behind someone else most of my life? Always the 'sidekick' or always seeking out people who are smarter than me so that I can soak them up and follow them around? Is it because I was born a girl and I've been culturally trained or encouraged not to take an active, voiced, and public role in much of anything? I don't know. I know that I've always always felt much more comfortable working to support someone else's work, or support and contribute to something I'm passionate about but has already been established rather than trying to call people to a cause I want to do. I've never felt comfortable taking a completely "leadership" type of role. So for me, maybe this setting was frightening because I was expected to have an identity on my own in this kind of setting, and I have never even come close to developing one yet. To borrow some Yagelski language, I haven't written myself into academia yet... maybe that was the source of my anxiety.

Anyway, today gave me buzzes, and made me think about lots of stuff related to my own various identities. I had that sort of meta-consciousness about my behavior at this talk and my sudden urge to get the hell out of there and (ha ha ha) write in my livejournal about it.

...which could be an interesting thing to explore... think blogging is contributing to meta-consciousness and self-analysis? I'd guess yes. Or it's encouraging people who already have that drive to be self-critical and analytical and finally giving them a soap box to stand on.
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4/30/05 05:38 pm - owatta

I feel much more stable. I'm sure it's wrong to feel glad that someone else's situation is much more severe than mine... I'm not glad about that. I'm glad that I was here and that I could take care of someone I love. it gave me some more perspective on my own stupid problems, and made me realize how silly I am. Displays of silly self-absorbed emotions in public internet places... silly silly. :) I got to use up some of that scary energy in a better way.

I don't feel bad anymore. just a headache from this stupid cold.

:)

All done.

Time for a nap.

I'm such a drama queen or something.
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